Dean Winchester, it's time for your meds
by remusandsnapelover
Summary: It's been so long since Cas 'died', that Dean has accepted the nightmares and craziness that made Sam check him into a mental asylum. But he's not ready to accept his loss. Dean will do ANYTHING for his angel to come back.
1. Chapter 1

"My Cas." Dean stroked the hair on a small, wool doll made to look like Castiel. A nurse had made it for him in an attempt to soothe the screaming at night when Dean was trying to sleep. _"I'm sorry, Cas!"_ he would say, and _"You were MY angel! Mine!"_

It never stopped for Dean. The nightmares didn't go away.

But if anything, the small figure was somewhat a comfort... a reminder that it wasn't all just a dream. Cas _had_ been in his life.

"Dean, sweetie, it's time for your meds." This was one of Dean's nurses in the Sioux Falls mental asylum. She was rather good looking with flowing blond hair and blue eyes, and... oh... blue eyes. Dean smiled – he hadn't touched one women in the last year. Had never so much as really blinked an eye at one. If he ever did smile at a pretty girl, she would always have blue eyes.

'Cause Cas had blue eyes.

"Thanks. Hey, uh... can I call my brother?" Sam lived in a home he built right where Bobby's old house was. He was the one who checked Dean into the asylum with a sad expression, and who now hunted only what came in the state.

Screw hunting. They had _tried_. They had fucking _tried _to save it, and look where it landed them.

"He called in yesterday and said he'd be gone for a week. He wanted me to reassure you though that he'd bring back some cherry pie for you."  
>"Great." Dean smiled, returning to stroking 'Cas's' hair. The nurse just smiled and walked away, leaving Dean to his thoughts.<p>

But Dean didn't want to think. Thinking only brought on pain, and Dean was done with pain. He had long since given up the hope that Castiel would rise out of the lake he had disappeared into, and continue to be in Dean and Sam's life like it was no big deal.

But he never came back. And Dean was never the same again. He drank, he had nightmares... god, he had almost gone insane pleading to the sky for anything. Any angel to hear his cries.

The angels never answered. If Dean hadn't still gone on hunting, he might have thought they weren't real.

Dean still called out to the sky every night. He'd pray to God to stop abandoning him and come back. When no one behind him said, "Hello, Dean." he would grab Cas's trenchcoat and the small doll, and squeeze them tightly against his chest as he lay in bed because it was all he had left. Bobby was gone; Cas was gone; Sam could barely keep his marbles together; and now Dean was in an insane asylum with the only occasional visit from his brother.

It wasn't that Sam didn't care. Sam wanted to bring his brother back home and go on hunts together again, but Dean was just too far gone.

So he cooed at the small figure of the man he had called his best friend, and curled up against the couch in the small gathering room, smiling up at the sky.

"I know you can hear me."

_I just wish there was something to be celebrated about._


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N I forgot to label the story as complete, because as I said in the description, it was supposed to be a one shot. But I forgot to, and two people asked me to continue, so here I go.**

That night was no exception to the screaming that Dean had to endure every night. He always woke up to sweat dripping down his body, and the tears were drying on his face. He wiped a hand slowly down his face, looking over at the Castiel doll that was perfectly curled into his side.

"Mr. Winchester?" A small woman peeked in from the slightly open door. "Can I get you anything?"

Dean smiled, laughing in absolute pain. "You can get me a gun so I can shoot myself in the head." They had taken away all the weapons that Dean carried with him when he got to the hospital with a hesitant worrying gaze and telling him that it 'wasn't safe to have weapons on you'. Thanks to that, Dean was now completely vulnerable. Thanks to that, Dean also had less of a chance of killing himself. If he was going to commit suicide, it definitely wasn't going to be with some bed wire or something.

The woman only smiled at Dean with sad eyes. "How about I get you some juice?"

"No, thanks. I think I'll pass this time." Picking up the doll, he walked pass the nurse into the common room where he saw all the other psychos.  
>It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that some <em>angel<em> could push him so far off the deep end that he was with a bunch of other lunatics. "God dammit!" He threw the Cas doll at the side of the table. A few alarmed yelps sent a few nurses running towards Dean. "Mr. Winchester-"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. I-" But Dean stopped when he saw the doll on the floor. It had a small puncture wound in the front from being slammed into the corner of the table.

"Cas?"

Dean's hands trembled as he picked up the doll, carefully pushing some of the stuffing back in. The tears were freshly hot on his eyes again, and he had to will himself not to cry in front of a bunch of people. "Dammit." he whispered into the doll's hair.

That outburst left Dean alone in his room, while the nurse that made it for him stitched the side back up. Laying on the bed, he watched the ceiling, counting every single small bump or imperfection he could find. It made him feel a little better thinking that the ceiling had more imperfections than Dean himself did.

Or maybe it didn't.

"Cas, why'd you have to leave?" he called out. "Why'd the angels abandon me?" When no one answered, Dean sighed and got up from the bed. Slowly working a piece of the bed frame off, he smiled at the thought that he was coming to this. No, he wasn't going to kill himself – that had already been established. But the pain... oh god, the pain. Many times Dean had thought of given up; but there had always been someone there to pull him back up. Now he had no one – not Bobby, not his brother, and not Cas.

So taking the small metal piece, Dean scratched it across his left wrist, watching as a small line of blood formed. Satisfied, he threw the metal in a corner. The pain was enough, that he was temporarily freed of the thoughts of the angel he called friend.

The bliss didn't last for long, and it only ended up making Dean kick the side of the bed in frustration. "God, I'm like a teenager." He sighed, covering his eyes as he got down on his knees.

"Castiel! God dammit, get down here! I don't care if I have to sell my soul, just come back. Please!" he yelled out. "Please, I'm begging. I'll do anything."

"Anything?"  
>Dean whipped around, causing his still bloody wrist to catch on edge of the frame, cutting it a little more open. "Fuck!" Dean swore, briefly closing his eyes in pain before opening them again to see who had responded to him.<p>

In front of him was a very dark haired male, with matching dark eyes, and a snarky smile. He wore a black vest over a collared white shirt along with some jeans. It seemed like most demons were trying to be in a fashion contest.

Looking at Dean's wrist, the man's smile grew and he began to shake his finger at Dean. "Looks like you're trying out how it is to be a teenage girl."  
>"Who are you?" Dean demanded, feeling around in his pocket for a gun, when he remembered there was nothing there. This made the man snort.<p>

"Not so powerful are you now, Dean Winchester? If it so peeks your interest, my name is Daniel. I know – a pretty normal name for a demon." Daniel drawled his last word out, making Dean's fists clench.

"Well it's been nice knowing you, ass monkey, but I'm not up to talking with demons right now. Why don't you just go right back to Hell. _Exorcizamus te_, omnis immundus spiritus. omnis satanica potestas-" Dean began the exorcism, but Daniel grabbed his neck, squeezing gently.

"I don't think so, big guy. You asked for your angel back, and I'm here to help you with that. I thought that was what you wanted, wasn't it?"Dean stopped the incantation, opening and closing his mouth in surprise, and Daniel let go.

"I-"  
>"You want him back, <em>don't you<em>? You _love_ him. And you'd even sell your soul just to have him back... that's dedication right there. You've only been willing to do that for your family."  
>"He is family, you ass."<br>"Then make a deal with me." Daniel's eyes bore into Dean's, making him gulp. Glancing at the trench coat on the bed, he felt his chest tighten.

"Alright."


End file.
